It's only the beginning

     
       It seems so often that a post starting with, "it's been a while since..." comes up. Right? Well, this is another post like that.

       I just finished my first semester in college like last week. Oh my my, it was horrid to sleep for only a few hours because of study to do the test. Not wanting to go through that again. *Note to self: study a little at lease a month before exams week.

       So how's my college experience you ask? Well, you wanna hear the bad parts or the good parts first? See, when I lived with Jen and Josh, we used to do this thing at dinner called High and Lows. I usually prefer the lows first since after that comes a high, like a roller coaster, if you know what I'm mean. I think it is best to go with the bad parts first rather than telling the good parts then be sad later. Yeah?

       Here comes the bad part. It wasn't the math (which if you know me, you'll know that I hate math with a passion and I frequently say so) or the small room in the dorm that bother me. Nor was the food that everyone seems to get sick of or how there's so many astray dogs around the campus. It was me. 

       Since my Thai is not good, and my English is not perfect - sometimes I felt out of place. The very first day of college, I felt like I was in a place where I belong. But it was just my thoughts, you see. In reality, people don't really like me. It was like I was back in middle school; the girl who hid her face, her identity, her voice and even that, still gets bullied. 

       This is why I love my experience during High School at Hope Academy so much because I can be me. I can run around, sing in the hall way, eat lots of sweet, hug people and just be who I am without a care of the world and my friends accept me for who I am. 

       It's just a comparison to college, here, I get hated for being me. They don't even know me yet they already judging me. It was just a bad experience. Also, there's this culture thing too. Maybe it's because I'm not Thai enough? Or it's because I get to comfortable with others? 

      I've heard someone told me once not to let people's words get to me but it's hard because words stings. It plunge into my heart like a thousand needles. 

      As I was searching Youtube, I came across this video by the Skit Guys and it just got me thinking, why should I care what others think of me? Every time I get hurt and keep it, it's like a baggage that I carry. A small baggage but it built up each day. Whom can take away my burden except God? My heart is wounded by words from others that it is hard to think that I can just ignore it. But God says to me, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)"

     So, I have learned that whatever happens, God will give me rest if I just let down my baggage. I don't need to change myself to please others but I need to learn how to love others even those who hates me. It's difficult and I have some tearful moments for it but it will be worth the tears, that, I believe.

      Now, to the good parts, I wanna thank you those friends who take me, a silly goose who always ask too much questions and can be noisy sometimes, to be their friends. I am so so so thankful. :) Also, I learn now that I can lead on people yet I need to be able to take care of myself when it is needed too, such as laundry. Gross as it sound, sometimes it would took me two weeks to finally take my laundry to wash. Haha! 

      It's a chance to grow, I think. For this period in my life, I've face my worst fear and cried myself to sleep a couple times but I've also been able to stand up for myself, learning to say no, be myself and to not follow the "cool" crowd. 

      And this is just the first semester. I'm not even through my Freshman year yet, I'm pretty sure that I will cry more but I know that I will get more laughs too! 

      College life has just begun! 

Much..much..love,

Gemma